I haven’t worked out since Thursday. My eating has also been out of control since then. I’m finally getting back on track today, and feel better and more in control with each sip of water I take, but I’ve derailed myself and am finding it hard to get back on the wagon.

I don’t think P90X is for me. Or perhaps it’s just me and my workout ADD, finding it impossible to stick to a workout rotation long enough to see any kind of results. I don’t know. I think P90X is a good program, but as everyone on the MBD boards says, it’s not designed for weight loss. Since I AM looking to lose weight, I’m thinking that maybe P90X isn’t the best route for me to do that, at least not right now. I’m gonna keep it though, because it’s an excellent program, but I want to worry about getting this last 15-20 pound off first, then possibly use P90X and eventually P90X+ as a full rotation to build muscle later on.

I haven’t lost any weight during this second phase (which I’m sure has more to do with what I was eating and not so much the workouts), and I found myself some days getting up in the morning and kinda dreading doing some of the workouts. ARX and C/S/T especially kinda gave me that dread factor a little bit, and I wasn’t sure why. But I suppressed those thoughts, figuring it was all in my mind, and forged ahead with the workouts anyway, but that frustration and dread factor was always there; not so much in the first phase, but definitely as I began the second. Even though Tony said to go at your own pace, I felt like I was barely working. I couldn’t do real pushups, I wasn’t able to do chinups or pullups. I just felt like I wasn’t getting the true benefits of the workouts. And those damn bands! Since my doors don’t allow me to install a pull up bar, I had to use the bands, which killed my forearms and whatever muscles those are in the elbow area. I felt like I was working those muscles instead of working my back like I was supposed to be. It just kinda sucked.

Plus I am having such a hard time with my diet because I don’t know what to do! I figured since I was building muscle I should be eating more and eating more protein, but really? How much muscle was I building? I mean yeah my 30 day pics did show muscle growth, but number one, those new muscles were still hidden under a layer of fat, and two, I don’t think I was building that much muscle to justify eating so many calories, I’m a woman after all, and am not one of those women who build muscle easily. And although I was building a little bit of muscle in the upper half of my body, I wasn’t building any real muscle in my legs. Besides, the Legs and Back workout was more cardio for the legs, not so much muscle building, you know.

Anyway, yes, I’m pathetic, and I’m switching things up yet AGAIN!

I’ve decided to order Turbo Jam. I know, I know, I know. My mother would KILL me if she knew I ordered yet another fitness thing. I’m almost ready to kick myself. because I really don’t need to be spending any more money on anything else fitness related. But they look like fun, nothing too intense and I’m gonna incorporate them into a running rotation. It’s getting warmer outside and I don’t want to be stuck in the house all summer with workouts DVDs and my treadmill. Plus I also have that membership with the NYC Parks and Rec and wanted to do some swimming as well. Especially now that I’ve cut my hair and it can actually fit in a swim cap. I’m also thinking about venturing out and doing maybe a yoga class or two. At least that’s one thing P90X did for me, gave me a new appreciation for hatha yoga.

I still can’t believe I’m typing all of this. I feel like such a loser that I can’t seem to stick to one thing. But then again, I guess I should applaud myself for knowing that something isn’t working and trying to find something else that will. Then on the OTHER hand, I’m just… **sigh** I don’t know. I just can’t seem to get past this 160 pound hump into the 150’s. SOOO frustrating.

But on the brighter side, I’ve lost 65 pounds, I feel AMAZING, I look pretty damn good if I do say so myself, I’m buying mediums and size 10s in clothes, sometimes smaller, and overall I just feel excellent. The weight loss would be great, definitely, but I’m feeling pretty okay about how far I’ve come. I still struggle with my eating, but I’m always gonna make an effort to get back on track.

I’m still here and was still pushing play until this morning. I had a binge. Two this week actually, and have been finding it a little difficult to pick myself up and get back on track. I’ve also missed workouts, specifically Yoga and Kenpo this week. When I wasn’t binging, my eating wasn’t all that great. I am still just trying to find the right mix for me, and although I was doing the whole recovery drink, extra protein, bars, shakes, etc, I think I’m gonna go back to the basics - clean eating with protein carb and a fruit or vegetable at every meal. I need to stop flip flopping with the eats and I have GOTTA GOTTA GOTTA get the binge eating under control. This is my first out of control week since starting the second week of P90X. I was doing so well, but I don’t know. I think this week I’ve lost something… the zeal for it. I’ve kinda dreaded doing ARX, so I skipped it one day, then the other two days I had to do it I subbed in with other core work instead. I think that as long as I’m following the plans BASICS, subbing in for other exercises that work the same muscles will be okay, as long as I’m doing SOMETHING. I want to be able to finish this through to the end.

So on Sunday I’m starting this week over with clean eats and no recovery drink.  The only supplements I’m going to allow myself will be the whey protein (although the clean eating book does say it’s okay to use daily) and my protein bar mid afternoon.  I’m also going to add in more cardio from now on, at least three extra sessions a week. I actually don’t mind running on the treadmill so I’m gonna try to incorporate that into P90X and get up to 2 miles before the end of the rotation.

I’m also selling the packets I have left of recovery drink. It takes good but it’s just not for me.

Yesterday  morning was a bit of a hot mess.  I had some trouble falling asleep the night before, so I was awake until after 11:00.  I tossed and turned for a good portion of the night, and the next thing I knew the alarm was waking me up.  I can’t lie, I hit snooze, so I got a late start.  I was dreading doing Yoga X because it’s hard to get into so early in the morning, so I decided to do a half an hour run on the treadmill just to warm up.

So I do the mile on the treddy and get myself into the living room to get ready for yoga.  I had already decided to just do the first half, the moving anasas.  But I just couldn’t get into it.  Then I turned if off and tried that Bryan Kest one on the On Demand.  Couldn’t get into that one either.  So I turned that one off too.  It just wasn’t happening for me. I don’t know why, I just wasn’t feeling it.  My body was still a little sore from the workouts days before, so just getting down from plank into chaturanga hurt my triceps, and I guess I just wasn’t in the mood for any more pain.

So I ended up doing Yoga X last night after work.  SOOOOOO much better.  I really need to be doing this one at night because it always goes so much better for me then.  I have more energy for it, I feel better when I’m doing it, even the time seems to go by much faster.  Sweat up a storm, which was quite nice, I always feel like toxins are leaving my body when I sweat like that.  I did an hour, all the way up to crane. It was already 7:30 by that time and I didn’t want to eat dinner too late.  I’m less sore this morning, which is a good thing.

This morning was Legs & Back.  I like this one because not only is it toning the legs but it is serious cardio too.  I didn’t heavy up on the bands (I’m saving the black band for Phase 3) but I did move back more with the green band and it did make a difference.  More DNA removal this morning, and I loved it!

Eats are good.  I’ve decided to cut back on the carbs again, I’ve found that adding them to every meal had made me more sluggish.  Which is interesting because carbs are supposed to give you energy, not the opposite.  I just feel like I work better, feel better, and have more energy with more protein and less carbs in my system.  I’m still eating them, just cutting back, especially at dinner.  It worked for me before, so why switch it up now.

And I missed my little Cinnamon Roll protein bars.  I know they aren’t all that clean, which is why I gave them up this week, but they were like my little mid afternoon snack, and I was looking forward to them so I bought a new box yesterday.  I also did the recovery drink this morning in lieu of breakfast.  I’m still a little wary of it, but I bought them so I’m gonna drink them.  They taste pretty good actually.  I mix in some of my own protein powder in addition to the bit that’s in there and that’s breakfast.  I should probably add in some fruit and make it a smoothie but that will just up the calorie count.  Plus I’ve never been a big fan of smoothies anyway.

I’m still taking my fish oil pills in the morning, but I think this last batch isn’t a good one.  I’ve got fish burps.  I’m gonna put them in the refrigerator and see if that helps.  If not I’m gonna throw them out and get a fresh batch.  Me no likey no fish burps.

This month, this phase, HAS to be a good one for me.  My goal is to get down into the 150’s by the end of this phase, so I can’t mess around with the eating.  My eating goal is to be as clean as possible, and stay w/in my calorie range.  I know I can’t be perfect, but most of the time I really have to be.  I’ll allow myself cheat meals when I feel like I need them, but I’m gonna try to resist as much as I can.

Tomorrow:  Kenpo X!!!  WHOO HOO!!!

I am so sore. I feel like I’m back in week one where EVERYTHING just hurt so much. It took so much effort to get my arms up into my blouse this morning. It’s a good pain, but a pain nonetheless. Actually lots of pains. All over.

Anyway, Back/Bis was solid today, considering it was my first time with it. For the most part I think I picked decent weights for each exercise. I probably could have upped them in some places, but overall it went well considering I was still so sore from CST on Monday. The back part left much to be desired though. I don’t really feel it in my back as much as I do in my forearms and biceps. I am thinking I might need to switch to the black band, but I’m not sure yet. Maybe I’ll try that next week and see what happens. I’m still wishing I had a pull up bar.

Eats are solid as well. I’ve added carbs back into my diet since I decided to go with clean eating, which stresses a protein, complex carb and fruit or vegetable with each meal. Power cooking and even just prepping chicken and some meals ahead of time on Sunday will really help me here. I’m holding steady on calorie count at less than 1600 for the past few days, maybe 1550 or so. Eating well, no splurges or desires for any really. I’m a little high on the fat side, maybe 30% where as the book recommends 25% but that’s because of the peanut butter phase I’m in now. I have a tablespoon every morning with my oatmeal. Next week I’ll see how I do without it.

Tomorrow: Yoga. I’ll probably do a half hour on the treadmill and then a half hour to 45 minutes of Yoga. I’m not sure if I’ll do Tony’s Downward Dog Magazine or that Bryan Kest joint on the On Demand.

I’ve been MIA this weekend, but I do have my 30 Day Progress report.

So I weighed and measured myself on Sunday morning, after another successful mile run on the treadmill. (I’m still shocked at myself that I can actually pull that off!) Anyway, here are my stats:

Weight:
Day 1 - 167.8
Day 29 - 160.6 (down 7.2 pounds)

Chest:
Day 1 - 38 in.
Day 29 - 37 in. (-1)

Waist:
Day 1 - 33 in
Day 29 - 32.5 in. (-.5)

Hips:
Day 1 - 40 in.
Day 29 - 39.5 in. (-.5)

Left Thigh
Day 1 - 24.75 in.
Day 29 - 24.25 in. (-.5)

Right Thigh
Day 1 - 24.75 in.
Day 29 - 24.5 in. (-.25)

Left Bicep
Day 1 - 12.5 in.
Day 29 - 13 in. (+.5)

Right Bicep
Day 1 - 12.75 in.
Day 29 - 13 in. (+.25)

My pictures really show a difference, especially in my arms and waist. I’m starting to slim down and I feel really good. I do have a ways to go, but the pics help me to know that I’m on my way and that my goals are attainable and within reach.

I missed X Stretch on Saturday because I was helping my mom set up her new computer. Then Sunday I was scheduled to do Chest, Shoulders and Tris but I didn’t get much sleep the night before and after running on the treadmill my energy just was depleted. I hemmed and hawed about whether or not I was gonna attempt CST, but I knew that since I was so tired I would just dog the workout and I wanted to give it my all, so I decided to do it this morning along with ARX and do today’s scheduled workout, Plyo, tonight when I get home.

I did the right thing, I think. CST is tough, just endless push ups, all kinds of push ups. My arms were fried when it was all over, they were shaking. I am still getting familiar with which weights to use so I can max out at 10 reps. I did all the push ups on my knees which kinda sucks. I was hoping that I’d be on my toes by this time, but I guess it’s okay considering I’m not even halfway through the 90 days.

Tonight I did Plyo. I had SOOO much energy for it, it was insane. I modified a little bit, but only took one unscheduled break (other than the ones they take). I really rocked it, even the bonus round. 621 calories according to the HRM.

My whole body is screaming right now. My chest, my arms, my hamstrings. I’m gonna sleep SOOO good tonight!

I wish Yoga X wasn’t so long so I could do it at night instead of in the morning.  This one is really tough to get through at 5AM because I’m so stiff and it takes me a while to get going.  It was just okay for me today, not as good as the last time.  Again I think it’s because it’s so early.  I’m thinking about breaking this one up, doing the balance poses and on in the AM and doing the endless downward dogs at night when I’m warmer.

I couldn’t help myself this morning, so I broke out the scale from it’s hiding place in my bedroom closet and took a peek.  160.6.  I’m very very pleased.  That was the weight I was at back in early December, a weight I haven’t seen since then.  So that’s 7 pounds since the start of Week 2.  I’ll have official measurements and numbers on Sunday before I start Phase 2.

Eats are good.  I’m trying to eat as cleanly as possible, mini meals, and have a lean protein, a complex carb and a vegetable at every meal.  I planned on oatmeal this morning, and thought I was cute trying to put some frozen berries in it, but I prefer fresh fruit in my oatmeal or cereal as opposed to thawed/previously frozen.  I ate half a spoonful and threw the rest out.  Then I didn’t want oatmeal anymore but couldn’t decide what I DID want.  I ended up having some turkey bacon, egg whites with green peppers and mushrooms and a piece of whole wheat toast.  I think that qualifies as a clean breakfast.

So with the exception of X Stretch tomorrow, this ends my recovery week.  I’m excited about beginning a new phase, and getting to use some new workouts.  I certainly enjoy those weeks much more than I do the recovery week.  After I weigh and measure and take pics on Sunday the scale goes back into it’s hiding place for another 30 days.

It was better than last time, but I still hate the flow of this workout. You’re up. Then you’re on the floor. Then you’re up again. Then you’re back down on the floor. Up again. And on and on and on. It really is an hour I kinda dread doing, so I’m glad I’m only doing this one during recovery weeks. I don’t know what I would sub this one with if I ever decide to do a lean rotation in the future. I might have to learn it well enough or skip through the DVD and do all the standing portions first, then go back and do all of the ones where you’re on the floor. I think because my heart rate was so high during alot of the segments, then I’m just jumping up from the floor, into the next segment, then back down onto the floor, I ended this workout with a really bad headache. I finished it up, then had to lay down for a while, just to stabilize myself. It really was a hot mess.

It WAS better than the first time, I will say that. I modified with push ups on my knees when I needed to, had better form on the banana rolls and the superman/banana, and ALMOST got myself up off of the floor during the Dreya Rolls. That one’s gonna take some time.

I almost didn’t do X Stretch last night, I really wasn’t feeling it. But once I got started the hour passed by pretty quickly and then it was 10:00pm and I was off to bed.

I know I said I was gonna keep things simple and not worry so much about calories and protein, fat and carb percentages and all that stuff, but I had been hearing about clean eating for a while now and although I say I am eating clean, I did want to know more about what exactly that was, so I bought the Eat Clean Diet. It’s not really a diet really, it’s all common sense things, you know, stay away from fast foods, fatty foods, sodas, fruit juices, sugary breakfast cereals, alcohol, things like that. The “diet” also stressed no artificial sweeteners and preservatives than are found in pre-packaged foods. Just basically no chemicals or preservatives whatsoever if it can be helped. Which means that for the most part you’re cooking things mainly from scratch. And still following the basics of complex carbs, lean protein, healthy fats, fruits and vegetables. It’s pretty sustainable as far as I can tell. The book also stresses eating at 2-3 hour intervals, as opposed to 3 big meals. It also says that the biggest meal should be at lunch, not dinner, that way you’re not filling your body up with food that’s just gonna sit in your stomach all night long. It’s all making sense to me, and it’s what I’ve been trying to do for the most part since I started eating better the second week I started P90X. The only thing that the book stresses that I hadn’t done is to include a complex carb with every meal. For the most part, I had been trying to stay away from that. I would even skip carbs altogether at breakfast and even at dinner. The book says there should be a complex carb, a protein, and a fruit or vegetable at every meal, those 5-6 meals you should be having each day. Again, pretty common sense really, and for the most part, what I’ve been doing lately. I’m gonna finish reading the book and see what happens, but it seems like something I can incorporate into my daily life and something that will get me results from this program.

Eats have been ooookay. Not great. But not BAD. I mean I’m not eating fast food or chips or anything like that. It’s just the after-dinner urges that are getting to me. The urges to eat after dinner are strong sometimes, and it’s hard to tell myself no. I think it’s because in the past few days once I’m done eating dinner, I’ve been under my calorie limit for the day so I feel like I can eat a little more even though I’m not really hungry. How can I be, I just ate!

Anyway, I’m doing my best. I think after I eat I’ll try brushing my teeth immediately. I usually TELL myself to do it, but I never get there. I just end up right back in the kitchen.

Tomorrow: Yoga X

I’m not loving the recovery week. I’m doing it, and I know why it’s necessary to do it, but I’m just not feeling it. I feel like I’m reverting, gaining weight instead of losing it. So I decided to throw in cardio on as many days as I can during the “rest week” in an effort to hopefully get off a few more pounds and inches before the big weigh-in and measure on Sunday. After that, the scale goes back into the closet for one more month.

I got up this morning in a bit of a frenzy. The alarm woke me up. Usually I’m up anywhere between a half an hour to fifteen minutes before the alarm goes off.

I got dressed and went into the living room, fully prepared to do some step with Cathe… but I suddenly changed my mind. No more step. UGH. But then I didn’t want to do any kickboxing either because I had already done that twice this week with Cathe and with Tony. So I decided to pull out the treadmill instead.

At first I was gonna do one of my Cardio Coach CDs. But then decided against that too. At this point it was nearing 5:30 so I figured I had better make up my mind and quickly before it got too late to do anything.

I got on the treadmill, did a 5 minute walk, stretched for another 5 minutes, then ran an entire mile. I couldn’t believe I actually did it. I’ve never done that before, ran a whole mile without stopping. Now granted it was a SLOW mile - a 15-minute mile - but a mile nonetheless. Then I walked for 5 minutes, did another half mile, walked for another 5, then did another quarter mile, walked for another 5, stretched for 5 and that was that.

It felt good! The stars must have aligned in my favor or something because I really felt good while I was doing it. It was tough, especially that last quarter mile of the first full mile, but I just kept pushing myself. I know it sounds crazy, but I just remember thinking about the way I push myself doing P90X, doing things I never though I would be able to do, endless pushups, chair dips. Why wouldn’t that same concept apply here as well?  I didn’t even give myself a chance to think “Oh,  maybe I can’t do this…”  I just did it, and I really surprised myself.

I was watching TV while I was on the treddy, but next time I’ll create a playlist on my iPod and use that. I think it will help me not be so worried about the time. I kept looking down at the console because I didn’t have anything else to concentrate on during the commercials.

Tonight, X Stretch. Tomorrow, Yoga X I think. Or freaking Core Synergistics. I can’t remember which one. Believe it or not, I hope it’s Yoga.

Since I felt quite dissatisfied with my performance during Core Synergistics, after the chat with Tony last night (which I’ll talk about later) I did a half hour of kickboxing with Cathe’s 4 Day Split. Nothing too difficult, but it was definitely hard to do with a full stomach. Even my heart rate monitor fell off right in the middle as I was trying to adjust it because it was so tight around my full belly. Which happened So basically yesterday was a bust workout wise.

I decided to make today much better. Which wasn’t difficult because it was my beloved Kenpo X! I don’t really like the stretches in the beginning of Kenpo (I don’t like stretching w/o a warm up) so I did the warm up from Cathe’s Kickbox instead, then did Kenpo after the stretching segments. It still clocked in at an hour.

Since tomorrow is X Stretch, and I prefer to do that one in the evening, I’ll probably do some cardio tomorrow AM.

Eats. Yesterday I felt like I ate too much. I ended the evening with a really full stomach after having my chicken wrap AND a protein shake. I probably should have just nixed the shake, but I wanted to hit my target calories and protein intake for the day.

Which leads me to Tony’s chat last night. It was a little difficult to follow because there were so many other conversations going on at once, but the two main things I got from the chat were 1. Keep it simple and 2. Help yourself to make the right decisions.

1. Keep it simple. Tony’s not one for percentages of proteins, fats, carbs, calorie counting, calorie expenditure, things like that. He believes in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean protein and healthy fat, working out vigorously 5-6 times a week. That’s it. There really is no magic formula and it ain’t rocket science.  If you’re hungry, eat.  If you’re not, don’t.  There’s no need to be shoving down food just because you feel like you have to hit some kind of target or goal.  Which is what I did yesterday.

So I’m going to make an effort to follow that advice.  I need to get to a point where it’s simple.  I remember saying that a while back.  it just got too complicated for me.  Do this!  Do that!  Don’t do this!  Don’t do that!  Eat this!  Not that!  Workout in the morning!  Workout at night!  Don’t use weights!  Use heavier weights!  Soy!  Whey!  Oy vey!  I was on information overload.  I still am to a certain extent, but I’m trying to block everything out and focus on these things:

Pushing Play every morning.

Eating as CLEAN as I can.

Stop focusing on the scale.

Have FUN!

Get active outside of the house.

Tony also talked about the right thing vs. the wrong thing.  We all know what the right things to do are (eating right, exercising, making good food choices, etc), but sometimes we don’t do those things, even when we KNOW what they are.  We make it hard for ourselves by not sleeping enough, stressing out, not being prepared, complicating things.  We have to help ourselves make the right decisions.  Get enough sleep, stop stressing out over the scale or over calories, if we have a question about something, do some research, ask questions, speak up, don’t just stand there all confused.

And that’s that.  Definitely not rocket science, but something I needed to hear nonetheless.

Just when I thought things were looking up… JUST when I was getting it… JUST when I was feeling good about what I’ve accomplished so far… Pam, Dreya, Adam and Tony kicked my ass and left me bruised and bloodied on the side of the road.  I felt like roadkill.

Tony said:  “You might discover this is your favorite workout.”  Tony!  Surely you jest!

I didn’t sleep well last night (I was dealing with women’s issues and ended up awake at3am watching The Sporanos.) and my head was pounding when I got up at 5am.  The flow of the workout felt yucky to me, I had to keep moving my yoga mat on and off the floor because sometimes I needed it and sometimes I didn’t, and this one is a bit of a space hog, so I had to move away from the TV to do the banana roll and the superman/banana.  Plus this one incorporates different kinds of push ups and I thought I’d be miss fancy ass and do them on my toes.  Big mistake.  I really should have modified, and paced myself but everything just felt all out of wack this morning and I couldn’t pull myself together.  My head was really hurting.  About fifteen minutes in I wanted to turn the damn thing off and try it again tonight, but I just pushed through.  In retrospect that might not have been the best idea.  I am almost tempted to try it again tonight, and hope for a better workout.  I had planned on doing some extra cardio tonight anyway.

Tomorrow the familiar returns!  Kenpo X!