I’m not loving the recovery week. I’m doing it, and I know why it’s necessary to do it, but I’m just not feeling it. I feel like I’m reverting, gaining weight instead of losing it. So I decided to throw in cardio on as many days as I can during the “rest week” in an effort to hopefully get off a few more pounds and inches before the big weigh-in and measure on Sunday. After that, the scale goes back into the closet for one more month.

I got up this morning in a bit of a frenzy. The alarm woke me up. Usually I’m up anywhere between a half an hour to fifteen minutes before the alarm goes off.

I got dressed and went into the living room, fully prepared to do some step with Cathe… but I suddenly changed my mind. No more step. UGH. But then I didn’t want to do any kickboxing either because I had already done that twice this week with Cathe and with Tony. So I decided to pull out the treadmill instead.

At first I was gonna do one of my Cardio Coach CDs. But then decided against that too. At this point it was nearing 5:30 so I figured I had better make up my mind and quickly before it got too late to do anything.

I got on the treadmill, did a 5 minute walk, stretched for another 5 minutes, then ran an entire mile. I couldn’t believe I actually did it. I’ve never done that before, ran a whole mile without stopping. Now granted it was a SLOW mile - a 15-minute mile - but a mile nonetheless. Then I walked for 5 minutes, did another half mile, walked for another 5, then did another quarter mile, walked for another 5, stretched for 5 and that was that.

It felt good! The stars must have aligned in my favor or something because I really felt good while I was doing it. It was tough, especially that last quarter mile of the first full mile, but I just kept pushing myself. I know it sounds crazy, but I just remember thinking about the way I push myself doing P90X, doing things I never though I would be able to do, endless pushups, chair dips. Why wouldn’t that same concept apply here as well?  I didn’t even give myself a chance to think “Oh,  maybe I can’t do this…”  I just did it, and I really surprised myself.

I was watching TV while I was on the treddy, but next time I’ll create a playlist on my iPod and use that. I think it will help me not be so worried about the time. I kept looking down at the console because I didn’t have anything else to concentrate on during the commercials.

Tonight, X Stretch. Tomorrow, Yoga X I think. Or freaking Core Synergistics. I can’t remember which one. Believe it or not, I hope it’s Yoga.

Since I felt quite dissatisfied with my performance during Core Synergistics, after the chat with Tony last night (which I’ll talk about later) I did a half hour of kickboxing with Cathe’s 4 Day Split. Nothing too difficult, but it was definitely hard to do with a full stomach. Even my heart rate monitor fell off right in the middle as I was trying to adjust it because it was so tight around my full belly. Which happened So basically yesterday was a bust workout wise.

I decided to make today much better. Which wasn’t difficult because it was my beloved Kenpo X! I don’t really like the stretches in the beginning of Kenpo (I don’t like stretching w/o a warm up) so I did the warm up from Cathe’s Kickbox instead, then did Kenpo after the stretching segments. It still clocked in at an hour.

Since tomorrow is X Stretch, and I prefer to do that one in the evening, I’ll probably do some cardio tomorrow AM.

Eats. Yesterday I felt like I ate too much. I ended the evening with a really full stomach after having my chicken wrap AND a protein shake. I probably should have just nixed the shake, but I wanted to hit my target calories and protein intake for the day.

Which leads me to Tony’s chat last night. It was a little difficult to follow because there were so many other conversations going on at once, but the two main things I got from the chat were 1. Keep it simple and 2. Help yourself to make the right decisions.

1. Keep it simple. Tony’s not one for percentages of proteins, fats, carbs, calorie counting, calorie expenditure, things like that. He believes in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean protein and healthy fat, working out vigorously 5-6 times a week. That’s it. There really is no magic formula and it ain’t rocket science.  If you’re hungry, eat.  If you’re not, don’t.  There’s no need to be shoving down food just because you feel like you have to hit some kind of target or goal.  Which is what I did yesterday.

So I’m going to make an effort to follow that advice.  I need to get to a point where it’s simple.  I remember saying that a while back.  it just got too complicated for me.  Do this!  Do that!  Don’t do this!  Don’t do that!  Eat this!  Not that!  Workout in the morning!  Workout at night!  Don’t use weights!  Use heavier weights!  Soy!  Whey!  Oy vey!  I was on information overload.  I still am to a certain extent, but I’m trying to block everything out and focus on these things:

Pushing Play every morning.

Eating as CLEAN as I can.

Stop focusing on the scale.

Have FUN!

Get active outside of the house.

Tony also talked about the right thing vs. the wrong thing.  We all know what the right things to do are (eating right, exercising, making good food choices, etc), but sometimes we don’t do those things, even when we KNOW what they are.  We make it hard for ourselves by not sleeping enough, stressing out, not being prepared, complicating things.  We have to help ourselves make the right decisions.  Get enough sleep, stop stressing out over the scale or over calories, if we have a question about something, do some research, ask questions, speak up, don’t just stand there all confused.

And that’s that.  Definitely not rocket science, but something I needed to hear nonetheless.

Just when I thought things were looking up… JUST when I was getting it… JUST when I was feeling good about what I’ve accomplished so far… Pam, Dreya, Adam and Tony kicked my ass and left me bruised and bloodied on the side of the road.  I felt like roadkill.

Tony said:  “You might discover this is your favorite workout.”  Tony!  Surely you jest!

I didn’t sleep well last night (I was dealing with women’s issues and ended up awake at3am watching The Sporanos.) and my head was pounding when I got up at 5am.  The flow of the workout felt yucky to me, I had to keep moving my yoga mat on and off the floor because sometimes I needed it and sometimes I didn’t, and this one is a bit of a space hog, so I had to move away from the TV to do the banana roll and the superman/banana.  Plus this one incorporates different kinds of push ups and I thought I’d be miss fancy ass and do them on my toes.  Big mistake.  I really should have modified, and paced myself but everything just felt all out of wack this morning and I couldn’t pull myself together.  My head was really hurting.  About fifteen minutes in I wanted to turn the damn thing off and try it again tonight, but I just pushed through.  In retrospect that might not have been the best idea.  I am almost tempted to try it again tonight, and hope for a better workout.  I had planned on doing some extra cardio tonight anyway.

Tomorrow the familiar returns!  Kenpo X!

I figured since Yoga X was shaping up to be one of the workouts I’d be using most during the next 68 days and also the one I had the lest experience with, I needed to do some research one some of the poses and get a history of hatha yoga just so I could get a better understanding of the poses, what they were HOW to do them and WHY I was doing them. I went to the Yoga Journal website, printed out some instructions on certain poses and even found that the half moon pose has my name in it which I thought was pretty cool.

So armed with this knowledge, I went into Yoga this afternoon (after doing IMAX 2 for cardio earlier in the day) focused on what I wanted to do. It worked. Yoga X got easier! I’m still having trouble with chaturanga, my shoulders just aren’t strong enough to keep me from needing to put my knees on the floor, but everything else really flowed well. I was sweating up a storm, it really felt excellent while I was doing it and after I was done.

Just for reference, I found this advanced Bryan Kest Yoga video on On Demand and pretty much every pose he does in this advanced video is done in Yoga X. It almost looks like Tony took this vid, changed the order around and TADA! Yoga X. That makes me feel pretty good really. Not that Tony was copying Bryan Kest, but because initially I struggled with Yoga X and there are still poses I can’t do very well, but Yoga X has given me a crash course in advanced yoga.

Just for a little variety I might use this Bryan Kest video and use it when I feel I need a break from Tony. The DVR won’t let me record it, but if I remember it and it’s still on the On Demand I’ll give it a go one day in place of Yoga X.

Eats good today. I’m a little under on calories today but since I was over by quite a bit yesterday this will kind of even it out.  I really didn’t have much of an appetite today anyway.

I feel good this week. I feel in control. My brain has quieted down and I feel focused. I have a goal. I’m pretty confident that I’ll get there.

This Thursday at a meeting at work a co-worker mentioned that my arms looked muscular and asked me if I’d been weight lifting. I don’t know if he meant it as a compliment or thought I looked like a linebacker or something, but at least he did notice. It felt good!

Also last week a woman who lives in my building, saw me as I was on my way to the supermarket and complimented me on my weight loss. I don’t even know this woman, I’ve just seen her a few times as I come in and go out of my building. Again I felt good. Things are starting to happen…

I also did the closet switch last night, pulled out clothes for for spring/summer, and put the winter clothes away. I came across a pair of pants I bought from the Gap many moons ago. They’re a size 18. I remember wearing them to work one day and I feeling that they were a little snug, but I thought it was just because they had a lining and I wasn’t used to pants with a lining in them. I remember finding it hard to breathe in these pants, and I remember my thighs feeling constricted in them when I sat down, but again, I blamed it on the lining. I put the pants back in the closet and didn’t wear them again for a while. I remember pulling them out again maybe a month later thinking I’d give them another go… and they were too tight. I’d only worn these pants one time because the next time I decided to put them on I could barely zip them up. I think that’s why I kept them, they are really nice pants that I barely wore. So last night I put them on. They were pretty darn big. I’m keeping them. I guess you could say they are my before pants. I can’t believe I was that big. Bigger I guess since I wasn’t even able to fit into them when I started Weight Watchers last January. For all my complaining about not reaching my goal weight and bring stuck at a plateau and getting so frustrated with this journey sometimes, I am still so happy and grateful that I’ve gotten to this place. Am I at my goal weight? No. Do I STILL have slip ups? Yes. (Those damn cashews again today!) but I will do whatever I have to to make sure I never go back to fitting into those pants again.

Tonight: X Stretch. Just waiting for the sun to go down so I can light my candles, and just relax.

Legs and Back felt AWESOME yesterday morning. I upped my weights on some of the leg exercises, really pushed to failure with the bands, and got a great burn on the wall squats. Tony’s right, it is certainly a nice change from leg presses and squats. My knees are happy. I even did ARX after I was through, even though I was completely wasted. I’m still struggling with ARX, I think my problem is one of form, but I’m still working through it.

Kenpo was also great this morning. I had TONS of energy, my form was on point, I even did more reps that Tony and the kids on some of the exercises. “I didn’t need no stinkin’ break!” It was great! The best I’ve felt with it since the first week.

Which kinda sucks because just when I feel like I’m getting into a routine and feel like like I’m getting ready to master some moves, here comes Recovery Week 1. Yoga, Core Syn, Kenpo and Stretch all week long. I’m concerned, not so much about strength loss, but about weight gain during this week. I’m debating on dropping my calories down a bit, and/or adding in some extra cardio, but I’m still thinking. It’s getting warmer and I think I might want to start running outside for maybe 30-45 minutes bringing the iPod out with one of my Cardio Coaches on it. At least on Sunday.

So…

Yesterday at work. I had finished lunch about an hour or so ago and was in my office working. The woman who runs the mentoring program at work invited me and a co-worker to get some food she had for the mentees that were coming in that afternoon. I walked into the conference room and there they were, staring me right in the face. COOKIES. There were full plates of delicious chocolate chip cookies and brownies and sandwiches staring me right in the face, calling me, tempting me. I wanted a cookie SOOOOOOOO BAD! You have NO IDEA. (Well, yeah, you probably do!)

But I didn’t do it. I just took a small plate of fruit, said thanks and went back to my office. Then I threw the fruit away without having a bite. I wasn’t really in the mood for fruit so I figured why eat it if I didn’t really WANT it. I had finished lunch a few hours ago and really wasn’t hungry. I could not believe I turned down chocolate chip COOKIES! And this same scenario happened a few weeks ago when I saw her. She offered me cookies then, but that time I ended up taking three. This time… NONE.

Even though I haven’t read Beck in a while, that was Beck, all the way. Those cookies weren’t planned. That fruit wasn’t planned. So I just said no. AND I gave myself credit for that. Not only was that Beck, but that was me too. I didn’t want that “Damn-I-shouldn’t-have-eaten-that-I’m-such-a-failure” feeling. I’m high right now, and feeling good, and I didn’t want to ruin that. Once I go down that road it takes me a LONG time to get back on track. I just can’t afford it.

Now I can’t promise my resolve will always be this strong, but I’m proud of myself for saying no and staying on track.

So the rest begins. Although it doesn’t officially start until Sunday, I still consider tonight part of recovery since I’ll be doing X Stretch.

I did ARX last night. This is still so hard for me, and it’s really frustrating because although I see myself getting better at the cardio and weight work - increasing reps and weights, less breaks during Plyo - I’m STILL struggling with ARX. Some of the exercises are easy for me, and some are just so damn hard. My form is probably crappy, I can’t straighten my legs cause my hamstrings are so tight, I can barely lift my legs off the floor. Just UGH! I almost dread doing this one, but since I’m determined to stick to the rotation as is, I’m gonna keep going. I’m also going to try to just do this one at the end of a workout because the dread factor is a little too strong to save it until the evening. Last night I was >>thisclose<< to saying eff it.

Yoga was even off for me this morning. I don’t think I was in the right mindset or something. I just felt so uncoordinated and stiff and klutzy with it. It didn’t even FEEL good. My shoulders were burning, I was having trouble breathing because I think my allergies are acting up, I was wobbling, had crappy form, you name it. I wanted to turn the damn thing OFF so many times but I just powered through. And the last two times I did this one, I wasn’t really bothered by Tony yelling during the Yoga Belly 7 but this morning I just wanted him to STFU! (Sorry Tony!) Unfortunately I don’t think there is a “Tony OFF” option on this DVD.

Won’t be saying goodbye to this one, it’s scheduled twice during the recovery week. I’m SOOOO tempted to sub in another Yoga DVD for this one, but I don’t want to give up on it. Hopefully my mindset will be better then.

I’m still tired after I’m done. This time I’ll attribute it to lack of sleep. I usually go to bed at around 10, but last night I didn’t power down until after 11. Then I was awake before 5 contemplating hitting snooze and doing Yoga at night. Then I got real. I KNEW I wouldn’t have the time or desire to do this dreaded 90 minute thing when I got home. So I got my ass up anyway.

Eats are okay I think. I clocked in almost 1800 cals yesterday. Today’s meals are planned at 1635 and have more of the 50/30/20 breakdown I’ve been trying to reach. (49/25/27 to be exact). It’s getting there. I’m gonna stick with this for the rest of this week and the recovery week and then add more carbs in Week 5. Not sure if I’m gonna stick to 1600 or go for 1700 or even 1800.

And this has nothing to do with P90X, but I found out yesterday I got accepted to the MA program I applied for at The New School! I’m excited, but nervous at the same time. Which might have been why I wasn’t “there” for Yoga X this morning. I mean it wasn’t at the forefront of my mind, but it certainly was in the back of my mind. The stress of worrying about getting accepted is over, but now the stress of how I’ll pay for it and how this will affect my eating, my workout schedule and my vacations begins.

This one was great for me as always. I felt pretty solid with it. I thought I’d have to lower my weights because I’m still sore from Chest and Back. Which is crazy cause that was like two days ago! But I even managed to up my weights on a few exercises which made me happy. And I used the bands again on some, just to mix things up.

After I was done, I wasn’t as tired this morning as I was yesterday, but as the morning wears on, I can feel fatigue coming on. Maybe it’s because it’s close to lunch and I need fuel. In any case, I got a shipping confirmation so my recovery drink is on it’s way.

Goodbye to this one too for a while. Every day I get closer and closer to Core Syn and I’m SCARED, probably because I know my core is probably the weakest part of my body and needs serious work.

Eats are good. I’m really trying to hit 50/30/20, but my days are more like 45/25/30. I’m taking in more fat than I guess I should be and less carbs, but I feel okay. I’m also attempting 1600 cals a day, but the past two days have been more like 1660-1700. Shoot, I be HUNGRY and I don’t want to starve myself, so I eat when I feel like I need to eat. It’s all good stuff, no crap, so I’m okay with it.

Tonight: Ab Ripper X

Tomorrow: Yoga X

Did Ab Ripper X last night around 9. Once again I felt alot better and stronger doing it in the evening. I might have to suck it up and do this one at night instead of tacking it on to the end of a workout. Hell it’s only 15 minutes.

Now for Plyo.

I took like three breaks, (I tried not to take beaks until THEY took breaks - I did extend my break time though), my heart rate soared, I was sweating buckets, and although I managed to make it through to the bonus round (unlike last time) I was just completely wasted after it was all over (like last time).  I literally got back into bed for like a half hour AND I took the bus to work instead of the train so I could get in like another 30 minute nap.

So that’s why I decided to suck it up and ordered the recovery drink. I figure it’s worth a shot so I don’t start my days like this. I suppose I could add more carbs to my diet, but I really am liking the results with what I’m doing eating-wise, so I’m gonna stick out this low carb/high protein thing until I start the second phase. Besides, knowing what I’ve heard about BeachBody and slow delivery times, I probably won’t get the recovery drink until I start the second phase anyway.

In the meantime I’m back on my grind with eating, planned out everything I will be eating today. I’ll end up being a little over 1600, but not by much, maybe a hundred calories. Since I was under yesterday I figure this balances everything out.

If I’m not mistaken, I won’t see Plyo again until Phase 2. Can’t say I’m sorry to see this one go… Okay maybe a little sad. Hopefully next time it pops up again I’ll be better able to keep up.

I got up this morning did Cathe’s IMAX 2 as my penance for the extra cookies yesterday.

I lowered the step because I wanted to WORK, but not that hard.  The thing is hard enough without making it harder with a higher step.  Plus, one of the last times I did IMAX 2 with the risers I stumbled over myself and fell right on my ass.  I didn’t want to hurt myself and derail all of the hard work I’ve been putting in so far.  So I just kept it low, but still did my best.  A nice little burner and throw back to the old school.  I always pull out IMAX 2 when I need some burning cardio and don’t have time for a learning curve.  I can really do the whole thing w/o looking at the TV.

I waited a few hours, got some carbs into my system and then completely CRUSHED Chest and Back!  I mean I can actually see pecs.  Yes they are still covered by a small layer of fat, and I just finished so that’s more the post workout pump, but I’ll take it.

I’m almost sad to see this one disappear for a while, I won’t be seeing it again in the rotation until week 9.  But as I look back on my progress so far I can see that I’ve upped my reps, sometimes by half, on almost all of the push up styles.  Today I even did them one one knee with the other leg straight.  In order to keep myself from leaning to the side with the knee down, I had to remember to pull my abs and glutes in which will help me graduate to big girl push ups.

I couldn’t even think about Ab Ripper X after I was done.  Once again I found myself laughing out loud at how hard I was working on last set of dive bombers at the end.  All I wanted to do after that was stretch and relax.

Today I’m off to the movies and will make sure to bring a protein bar with me so as not to be tempted by popcorn and candy.  I’ve already done my penance this week.  I’m done sinning.  Back to righteous eating.